In Memory
of
Anton and Anna
The Skurdal's
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The Story of Noah
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Here's a story that fits today's world. NOAH AND TODAY'S ARK.
The Lord spoke to Noah and said, " Noah, in six months I am going to make it rain
until the whole world is covered with water and all the evil things are destroyed. But, I
want to save a few good people and two of each living thing on the planet. I am ordering
you to build an ark." And in a flash of lightening, he delivered the specifications
for the ark. "OK," Noah said, trembling with fear and fumbling with the
blueprints, "I'm your man." Six months and it starts to rain," thundered
the Lord. "You better have my ark completed or learn to swim for a long, long
time!" Six months passed, the sky began to cloud up, and the rain began to fall in
torrents. The Lord looked down and saw Noah sitting in his yard weeping, and there was no
ark. "Noah!" shouted the Lord, "Where is My ark?" A lightening bolt
crashed into the ground right beside Noah. "Lord, please forgive me!" begged
Noah. "I did my best, but there were some big problems. First, I had to get a
building permit for the ark's construction, but your plans did not meet their code. So, I
had to hire an engineer to redo the plans, only to get into a long argument with him about
whether to include a fire-sprinkler system." "My neighbors objected, claiming
that I was violating zoning ordinances by building the ark in my front yard, so I had to
get a variance from the city planning board. "Then, I had a big problem getting
enough wood for the ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to save the spotted owl.
I tried to convince the environmentalists and the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service that I
needed the wood to save the owls, but they wouldn't let me catch them, so no owls."
"Next, I started gathering up the animals but got sued by an animal rights group that
objected to me taking along only two of each kind." "Just when the suit got
dismissed, the EPA notified me that I couldn't complete the ark without filing an
environmental impact statement on your proposed flood. They didn't take kindly to the idea
that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of a Supreme Being." "Then, the
Corps of Engineers wanted a map of he proposed flood plan. I sent them a globe!"
"Right now, I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Equal Opportunities
Commission over how many minorities I'm supposed to hire." The IRS has seized all my
assets claiming that I am tying to leave the country, and I just got a notice from the
state that I owe some kind of use tax. Really, I don't think I can finish the ark in less
than five years." With that the sky cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow
arched across the sky. Noah looked up and smiled. "You mean you are not going to
destroy the world"? He asked, hopefully. "No," said the Lord, "the
government already has."
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