In Memory
of
Anton and Anna
The Skurdal's
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Random Thoughts
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super- heroes.
Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.
Never raise your hands to your kids.. It leaves your groin unprotected.
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
I am in shape. Round's a shape!
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take
him in a car he sticks his head out the window.
Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster
is a maniac.
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was
60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is.
The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be caught dead in
otherwise. Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank
robbery has just taken place.
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure
no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some
form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it's you.
Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains; a pretty violent image there. I
think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your
biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.
A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket. "You know a cow
was murdered for that jacket?" she sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone, "I
didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too."
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